Day: October 1, 2020

Are You In Love or In Love With The Chemicals Of Love?Are You In Love or In Love With The Chemicals Of Love?

Relationships are difficult. Everyone knows this. Most people think it’s because of money, sex, kids, work, or whoever buys the socks. Some people think it’s because “we’re just not into each other” Or because we don’t have enough in common. 

Look, it’s not because of you or he or she. In fact, there is nothing more difficult on the planet than someone else.

Think about it… We are all difficult. We all come to a new relationship that we want easy. But we also come with our shared section of unresolved and traumatic experiences from previous relationships. 

Between love and work, Love is by far the most complex and challenging. Most of it is due to our automatic nervous reactions. 

Let’s start with your beautiful cortical regions. For the sake of simplicity, let’s call them your ambassadors. Your Ambassadors are very smart and thoughtful, but slow and they are very expensive to run. They are good at planning, anticipating, organizing and speaking.

And to be honest, they are very good at making “mute” situations. When you think of reason, think of ambassadors. 

The subcortical regions of your brain, let’s call them primitive They are very fast, memory-intensive, automatic, and low in operating costs. They are involved in love and sex, as well as a sense of threat. By searching for dangerous faces, sounds, gestures, moves, sdd to dangerous words and phrases. When you think hit and run you are thinking of using primitives. 

Thanks to your beginnings, 99% of your day is automatic. Your ambassadors love to renew. But they must pass on the innovations to your primitives in order to conserve resources. You can’t live your day with your Ambassadors always at their full capacity. It will burn your brain! 

So primitives use something called procedural memory known as: body memory. It works like this: You are learning to ride a bike and in the beginning. your ambassadors and beginners are fully functional to learn this new skill. But very soon, your beginnings will automate the bike riding process without the need for your ambassadors.

The bike riding skill goes into procedural memory Very elaborate, right? Now you’re falling in love with someone, and again, your mind starts working. You want to know everything about him. You want to touch them, taste them, smell them, you just can’t get enough of them. 

You are under the influence of drugs. Natural drugs produced in your brain! 

  • Addicted to dopamine because you want more of that person. 
  • Addicted to noradrenaline for your need to stay focused and alert. 
  • You need testosterone and you know why you need it. 
  • And serotonin, just to be persistent and alert. 

You are addicted to neurochemicals.

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The failure of nervous systems in a relationshipThe failure of nervous systems in a relationship

You spend all of your time together for weeks and months. You get serious … and your brain will automatically be speaking to this person. And his brain will auto-talk you, too. 

This is supposed to happen. This is what the brain does in order to function. It will make your relationship feel much easier. Which will lead you to your first and biggest mistakes. 

Because you think that you two know each other, you stop paying attention. You stop being completely present. Your beginnings are based on your procedural memory. This memory includes everyone and everything of emotional significance in your life. 

Your primitive brain will read Your partner’s thoughts, feelings, and intentions through the lens of that memory … So it’s kind of like this: “Why are you using this tone of voice with me?” “Tone what?” “Stop doing this!” “What?” “that.” “What?!” 

This is the failure of two confused nervous systems. This is what will happen, and it will become a problem.

Since you all literally bring your very own Neurology Lab with you wherever you go, here are some experiments that you can do in your own home. The next time a relationship gets tense, change your position. Be eye to eye and face to face, notice what happens. 

We are sighted animals, and we need our eyes to tune our disoriented nervous systems. This happens to everyone, regardless of personality,  previous experiences and experiences of relationships or trauma.

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Perception is error pronePerception is error prone

Communication, memory, perception are all error prone. Human communication, even on a good day, is bad. We often get each other wrong. 

When we’re feeling good, we don’t really care. When we’re not feeling good, we really care. When stress increases, human communication becomes much worse. Memory is unreliable. Memory is his fault. And in a quarrel about who is correct, both of you are often wrong.

Your perceptions are like mirrors of a fun house. Your perceptions are constantly being modified by your state of mind and your memory. They always trick you. If we assume that our communication, our memory, our perceptions, is the fixed truth, this is arrogance, and it will lead to problems.

If you are in a corrupt relationship, you have to get out. I am not talking about big threats. I am only talking about small threats that every human encounters as they quarrel. The kind that we have to deal with day in and day out. 

When we meet, we immediately start the quarrel. But why are our fights getting out of control? It’s because real time is so fast. And when we feel threatened, we respond and when we do, we respond using our primitives. 

In fact, our ambassadors have no idea how we got to this stage This is what makes us say, “Shut Up!” “I’m right, damn it!” “This proves my point.” And you really have no idea what you’re talking about, but you speak with confidence. 

No angels, no demons here. We are all capable of being threatening, even if it is for those we love. We can make big mistakes on communication, memory, and perception. All of us. The decision that puts us in a relationship we are committed to love and security. 

We both protect each other from the dangers outside. It’s not just about getting our own way. We are supposed to support each other. Too many relationships end before their time is up because people cannot understand this simple concept.

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