Category: Relationship

The First Love Are Never ForgottenThe First Love Are Never Forgotten

This article will explore the process of looking for someone to spend their life with after many years, and why it is so hard to find

Years ago, I was in a happy marriage. I had my twin boys and we enjoyed being a family. But then he was killed on duty as a cop. Now I live alone, but not lonely. It’s just been me for about three years now and it’s been good for me.

Last month, I went looking for someone to spend my life with. I looked on the internet, look on sex websites, read books from the library and went to concerts. It seemed like a never-ending task but I kept trying.

Then one evening, almost by accident, I was going through a collection of old letters and found one from a “Marlene”, who wrote about her experience to my late husband many years ago when we were still in school together. It was an old handwritten letter, dated February 7th 1975 that she had kept carefully these many years to “go back” and look at it again when she needed some answers.

It’s funny how things works sometimes. I had dated the letter and wondering where I might find this young woman now. It was like she was trying to tell me something and I had to figure out how to get her message to her. So, some weeks later after a lot of searching, I found her again on my computer and wrote her an email. She wrote back immediately and we started a friendship that keeps growing today.

After just one month of being friends, we both know that God has brought us together for a purpose in our lives. We both realized it at the same time, that we have met someone who knows us so well after so many years apart. We both felt it, now we’re both excited about what the future might hold.

I’m not going to rush anyone into a relationship. I believe God’s timing is perfect, and He has given me one more gift in my life. So I will patiently wait for her to be ready for “more” in our lives. We have a lot of catching up to do and our friendship has grown stronger every day since we found each other again after all these years apart. I know that she believes that everything happens for a reason, and I do too. So we will both continue to believe, and keep looking forward toward a brighter future together.
We have a lot in common that we didn’t even know about. We have so much more to learn about each other and to experience together. I love her so much and she feels the same way. It’s not just a friendship, it’s a friendship with someone who is meant to be with me forever.

For anyone else out there who is looking for someone to spend their life in a relationship with after many years, take heart. You will find her too. It could be some time before you feel it is right, but trust yourself and your instincts.

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The failure of nervous systems in a relationshipThe failure of nervous systems in a relationship

You spend all of your time together for weeks and months. You get serious … and your brain will automatically be speaking to this person. And his brain will auto-talk you, too. 

This is supposed to happen. This is what the brain does in order to function. It will make your relationship feel much easier. Which will lead you to your first and biggest mistakes. 

Because you think that you two know each other, you stop paying attention. You stop being completely present. Your beginnings are based on your procedural memory. This memory includes everyone and everything of emotional significance in your life. 

Your primitive brain will read Your partner’s thoughts, feelings, and intentions through the lens of that memory … So it’s kind of like this: “Why are you using this tone of voice with me?” “Tone what?” “Stop doing this!” “What?” “that.” “What?!” 

This is the failure of two confused nervous systems. This is what will happen, and it will become a problem.

Since you all literally bring your very own Neurology Lab with you wherever you go, here are some experiments that you can do in your own home. The next time a relationship gets tense, change your position. Be eye to eye and face to face, notice what happens. 

We are sighted animals, and we need our eyes to tune our disoriented nervous systems. This happens to everyone, regardless of personality,  previous experiences and experiences of relationships or trauma.

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