You spend all of your time together for weeks and months. You get serious … and your brain will automatically be speaking to this person. And his brain will auto-talk you, too.
This is supposed to happen. This is what the brain does in order to function. It will make your relationship feel much easier. Which will lead you to your first and biggest mistakes.
Because you think that you two know each other, you stop paying attention. You stop being completely present. Your beginnings are based on your procedural memory. This memory includes everyone and everything of emotional significance in your life.
Your primitive brain will read Your partner’s thoughts, feelings, and intentions through the lens of that memory … So it’s kind of like this: “Why are you using this tone of voice with me?” “Tone what?” “Stop doing this!” “What?” “that.” “What?!”
This is the failure of two confused nervous systems. This is what will happen, and it will become a problem.
Since you all literally bring your very own Neurology Lab with you wherever you go, here are some experiments that you can do in your own home. The next time a relationship gets tense, change your position. Be eye to eye and face to face, notice what happens.
We are sighted animals, and we need our eyes to tune our disoriented nervous systems. This happens to everyone, regardless of personality, previous experiences and experiences of relationships or trauma.